2.15.2012

remembering


2 years ago today I went to the hospital, very newly pregnant, writhing in pain and scared out of my mind that what I knew was happening was actually happening.  The next day I came home, missing a fallopian tube and missing the child we never had a chance to meet.

In the time since, God has brought healing, peace, and a beautiful, healthy, precious daughter - the best gift.  I don't wish that things were different.  But today I have still been hit with, and surprised by, the grief.  I am trying to live in it, to let myself feel it and know that it will fade, to kiss my babies and thank God for the beautiful souls He has placed in my life and to miss the one I have yet to meet.

2 comments:

WendyLady@GoodBooks said...

Tears still come to my eyes when I stop and reflect about our Stephen Innocent and the loss of his physical existence here on earth with us. When I allow my thoughts to pause and hover a little over that remembrance, it is still sad - but the sadness is not ever-present as it was for a while. The difference now, after 23 years, is that my mind doesn't rest on the loss as often and the pain isn't as intense. More often, prayers for his soul go up, and that leaves me full of hope, and peaceful. I pray for that for you. Love you dearly, Amanda!

Karissa Knox Sorrell said...

I had no idea that you had a tubal pregnancy. I had a miscarriage before Madeleine, so I understand that little twinge of pain - what would that child have been like, looked like? Love to you!