the power of a clean toilet

(I was going to post a picture of my clean toilet. But then I thought you might prefer seeing my adorable daughter instead. You're welcome.)

Today I cleaned the bathroom.

Exciting, no?

Actually, it was incredibly exciting. It was the first time it had been cleaned since Lucy was born. It was the first time I had really, truly cleaned anything since Lucy was born. I felt so...accomplished. And clean!

So far I've walked past the bathroom door and leaned in for a peek 5 times. Never mind the huge pile of laundry waiting to be folded at the foot of my bed. Never mind the cluttered state of the living room, the dirty kitchen floor, the 7 emails I can't seem to respond to, or the burp diapers strewn throughout each room of the house. Man, my toilet is clean.

At least for today.

the postpartum fog

It's amazing how quickly and thoroughly I forgot what the newborn stage was like.

In my defense, our previous newborns spent the first 4 weeks of their lives in the NICU. They were practically a month old when we finally had them home. But they were also not even "full-term" at that point, so it was sort of like having newborns for 2 months. And still I forgot.

The completely out-of-control hormones. The havoc wreaked upon the body. The early struggles with breastfeeding. The sleep deprivation. (Yes, friends, it absolutely IS easier waking up every 2-3 hours instead of every hour like I did with our big girls...but it's still waking up every 2-3 hours!) That feeling that sneaks upon me every now and then of, "Oh my goodness, what do I DO with this tiny one?"

The bliss. Milky cheeks and lips nuzzling into my neck. A warm bundle gathered up and pressed close. The funny smiles while she sleeps and the way she just melts into me. Falling in love with her daddy even more as I watch him care for her. Delighting in the way her big sisters watch her, touch her, sing to her.

We are making our way through the postpartum fog. So grateful for the healthy and safe arrival of our newest blessing, Lucy Rose. For her 10 fingers and 10 toes, round cheeks and double chin (this girl can eat!). I am trying to be kind to myself and to my children as we settle in a bit more each day.

We are grateful for the love, support, and prayers that you, our family and friends, have offered to and for us. Please continue to remember all FIVE of us as we work out this new version of day-to-day life.

Isn't she a little doll? (She looks just like her sisters did!)

* * * *

Some of Lucy's first visitors:

The grandparents (we missed you, Grandpa, and can't wait to see you next month!):

Great-Grandparents:

Lucy's godmother:

Uncle Bryson and Aunt Erica:

babies on the brain

That pretty much describes us these days.

The girls are taking a special interest in caring for their baby dolls and it is so much fun to watch them become little mommies. Their faces show such concern and tenderness. Then they drag them around by the heel or squeeze the doll's head in, which is not quite as sweet. But somehow still endearing.

Today we spent the morning at the art museum making prints, building towers, cutting and glueing and painting and enjoying being together. Later when we were home, we crowded into the rocking chair - not sure how we all still fit but that may explain the broken chair arm - and read classic Winnie the Pooh stories.

After dinner I watched them dance in the living room wearing tutus (with Sophie also insisting on wearing a "super fancy shirt" which almost created an apocalyptic meltdown). I love everything about them when they dance - the way their ponytails begin slipping down and to the side, the wispy curls around their faces, Aida's giant smile and Sophie's serious concentration.

The baby is currently doing her own little dance. Perhaps she's preparing for her grand entrance? A pink elephant can only hope.

peace

Even after a rough day, how can I not be head-over-heels in love with that?

We have had some rough days, but mostly are thankful for a little bit of peace that has settled over us as we spend these moments together. The girls have been extra snuggly lately and this colder weather we are having this week is perfect for gathering under a blanket on the couch to read or sing or tell stories or just sit and look at each other. I am soaking these sweet girlies in.

* * * * *

Related, in a round-about way, is the way my daughters help me come to peace with my - how shall we say? - rotund figure. Last night, as Elijah turned off the light in their room and the girls' nightlight cast our shadows on the wall, Sophie announced, "Mommy, your shadow is fat!" Which was the perfect compliment to Aida's comment last week when, after observing the color of my dress, she stated very matter-of-factly, "Mommy, you look like a pink elephant."

photo shoot

Some days are fabulous. Children play happily. Mommy plays happily with them. Everyone is (at least somewhat) well-rested. I delight in these sweet gifts that God has given me.

Other days...not so much. Children whine, push, grab, scream, cry, and act like little savages. (Who is raising these kids, anyway?!) Mommy has little to no patience. Everyone is exhasuted. I start to get very...grumpy (that is putting it nicely).

But we have found an antidote to that 2nd kind of day around here. We call it the "photo shoot". Find the camera, set the automatic timer, grab crazed children, and dare them to make their silliest faces.

Works every time.

Because how can I not delight in this?

And they think it is pretty fun, too.

Christ is Risen!

It's been a while since I've posted. I think I'm turning a bit inward these days - must have something to do with an impending baby arrival and 2 sweet 3-year-olds who are in need of constant reassurance (that the wind won't blow them away, that the thunder won't hurt, that the baby clothes being washed and cradle being pulled into the house don't mean they are any less important...). And a husband who is amazing and has been crazy busy. And a house that is a disaster area.

But what a joy, no matter what else is going on, to celebrate the resurrection of Christ. We were definitely those who arrived at the 11th hour this year (see the Paschal Homily of St. John Chrysostom if you're interested), unable to make many Lenten services and then missing much of Holy Week. Somehow we all made it to the midnight Paschal liturgy, and it was with such gratitude that I watched my girls hold their candles high and sing with gusto "Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death, and upon those in the tombs bestowing life!" (Although I have to admit, I'm not sure they were singing those exact words. Whatever they were, they were certainly close.)

And as I sat in the liturgy with Aida and Sophie in my lap and baby Lucy making her presence very well-known, I remembered last Easter, when the loss of our 3rd baby was still new and raw and stinging. I remembered the feeling of surrender, the gift of comfort in the words, "O death, where is they sting?...Christ is risen, and life reigns!" Thank God for His mercy.

So now we are in Bright Week, which Sophie thinks finally explains why it is still light when she has to go to bed. We'll continue to devour our fair share of chocolate and ice cream and leftover Pascha cheese. We'll sing "Christ is risen" for 40 days. And I'll keep hearing conversations like the one I heard last night coming from our girlies' room:

Sophie: "Christ is risen!"

Aida: "Christ is risen!"

Sophie: "He was ALIVE!...and He was a real boy."

Aida: "...Noooooo..."

(Elijah says my explanation of the Resurrection to my children was somewhat reminiscent of the end of Pinocchio. Seriously?)

for fun

Last week we went bowling with our twins group friends.

This was the girls' first foray into the world of the bowling alley.

It was magical

and exciting

and super fun.

In other news from our house:

Sophie is rockin' the side ponytail...

Both girls are rockin' the "fancy dress"...
And I have made it past the 31 weeks 3 days mark at which these beauties were born. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your prayers for me and our littlest one. She is moving around like crazy these days and I love every second of it.